Baby weakness!!!

I have to say I am very bad at keeping a calendar. Yet I can try for the most part to remember everything we need to do every day. But sometimes memory fails and I forget. I forget that my baby boy just turned 9 months yesterday. It’s incredible that he is only 9 months, considered still an infant, yet I feel he has been with us since the beginning of our journey. It’s hard to explain what one feels when he sees their children smile, or when they say silly things like “cuddle mami” or when the say “te amo” (“I love you” in Spanish). I was thinking about the relationship I have with my mom and my siblings lately and thought of something. I will be my mom… Eventually my kids are going to grow up and get married and have their own kids. So I am trying desperately to savor every single second they are mine! Not that I am this over bearing mother or something,  but I do spend more of my day just being amused by the beauty that are my children. By the smiles they give me, by the hugs, the kisses, the snores, the complaints, and the cries.

When our first was born we co-slept until he was 6 months because I was nursing, then he went in his crib and had no problem. When he was 17 months we transitioned him to a toddler bed so that the new baby could use the crib right away. The transition went smoothly, yet 4 months later after sleeping peacefully through the night, he started waking up in the middle of the night and coming into our bedroom. The first time it happened we were awake and we saw this little person walking, scratching his ears and saying mami… we both melted and let him get in the bed. Well it has been about 5 months and he’s still doing it. We have thought about ways to take him out of our bed… but then I had a revelation! This might be the last time in his lifetime or maybe in mine, where my son will want us, his mom and his dad, to sleep with him and embrace him and give him love… Not that as an adult he would hate us, but it will never be the same. So I told my husband, if you don’t mind, then I don’t mind… But we are getting a King size bed… not just king, a California king so when the second one wants to come and sleep with us then he too will have space.

I don’t really care what people might think of me when it comes to this. I know I have plenty of alone time with my husband, and I enjoy being alone in our bed, but the truth is, we’re kind of stuck together! Until death do us part. Gavin and Glenn will only be this age once.. and I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to change anything… I will take any heartache right now so that I can just see them smile. The joy those kids give me is unmeasurable and I know you might think I’m exaggerating, but no one except for my family really knows how bad I wanted to be a mom. To have a child in my arms and nurse him and cherish him and just enjoy that love that is like no other.

Gavin says te amo mami and I just melt. He can do whatever he wants and I’m weak… I can’t help it. Glenn just looks at me and smiles… When he says mama I will be done.

No one will be able to recognize me, I will be meting on the ground…

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November 3, 2012. Babies, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized.

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