The Good Mommy Debate

Is it bad to give your kid french fries? Is it good to only buy organic stuff? Who determines if you are a good or bad mom? I think your kids are the ones. You won’t know the real answer until later on in life, if ever at all. The reason I wanted to write about this is because yesterday I went to a birthday party and realized that Gavin hadn’t socialized with his little friends for a while. I told my husband that I felt he could be socially awkward because of this but he reassured me that Gavin was fine. He continued to tell me how I go a lot of places with him and he sees a lot of people daily, and he asked me not to compare him to the other kids. Mind you I was not comparing the kids to Gavin, I was more comparing myself to the other moms, who seem to have everything figured out. They have regular play dates, go to the playground regularly, do Gymboree or other activities, only feed their kids healthy stuff, mostly taking snacks with them everywhere they go. I wasn’t hating on these moms, I was questioning if I should be doing the same thing. And then on our way to therapy I had the discussion with my husband and he again let me know that I was a good mom. He said I love them and that is the most important thing.

While at therapy this conversation came up. The therapist proceeded to ask me if I thought I was a good mom. Without thinking about it I answered yes. Then she asked me again, “are you sure?” Again I replied yes, then she said “you’re not sure because these little things and other moms ways wouldn’t make you question yourself.” I have to say I was a bit…a lot hurt. How could I possibly let other people deter what I think about myself? How did I get to the point where I am unsure. I kept thinking about my conversation with the husband and with the therapist, and realized that I am a good mom. I try my hardest to spend as much of my time with them. I actually spoil them with time!!! I take them wherever I go, we go to VA/MD once a month, we go to museums, zoo, they went to Puerto Rico and Disney World and they interact with people every day. So what if we don’t go to Gymboree every week, or go to the playground every afternoon. I try and that is the best I can do. They have been incredibly privileged to be able to experience other places that are not NYC, they have so much stuff, and guess what, Gavin may not have regular play dates but he does have a permanent play date. It’s incredible the amount of interaction between him and his brother. So why would I let what other people do affect me. The reason I gave Gavin french fries was because during a storm we got caught in the car, so we did the drive thru. I will stop feeling guilty about it. It’s very hypocritical to me, to say that I will never do something when you really can’t control the future. What if in the future all they have is fast food!? Could you imagine all the moms who would flip out at the thought of their kid entering a McDonalds? I have always believed extremes kill people. People who eat to much fast food every day are unhealthy but people who never eat something other than vegetables are also unhealthy. Kids need to try everything and I rather them try it with me and not in the school cafeteria or in a day care, or from another friend. So what if the AAP says that Gavin should’ve had watch tv before 2?? Is not like I sat him in the high chair and plotted him in front of the TV everyday! Listen, I started My Baby can Read at 4 months and he started recognizing things. It was amazing, and Mickey Mouse is my man! He’s my go to guy, because I still have to find ways to cook, clean, do my homework, wash the laundry and eat! And I hate to use the TV so that I could get those things done but the truth is that there is no other way! Sorry mamas sometimes you just have to give in! Is not like I have him watching Real Housewives of Atlanta or Sponge Bob Square Pants! It’s amazing how much he can learn if we discuss the show together! Anyway, what I want to say is that not everyone has the same life. My husband is not home every night, he has shift work, our time is very different than the average person, so our family has different tendencies and ways to do things. And so what? I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I give them everything that I possibly can so that they are comfortable, I try to teach them, the best you can a 2 yr old and a 8 month old to share and be nice, and I also feed them and bathe them and talk to them. And honestly whatever organic, fast food, TV, no-TV lifestyle I choose is what works for us. I will not let people’s judgment make me doubt my parenting! I am a good mom! Hell I’ve been breastfeeding for the last 2 years! I am a good mom and the only opinion that matters is that of my husband and my kids. And seeing the way they kiss me and hug me and seeing the way the smiles is all the reassurance I need! I hope!

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November 9, 2012. Babies, friendships, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized.

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