The “Debbie Downer”

I have had a rough couple of weeks. Between being physically exhausted (taking care of two toddlers and being pregnant is hard work), emotionally drained, the excessive heat, and just regular shitty things that happened, it’s been HARD. Yet no one would really know! I am a negative person, married to a very positive person, after 12+ years his positivity has rubbed off on me (but also therapy has really worked)…

See, from being a negative person I never thought I could fix problems. I would just complain about my problems and not do anything about them. After having kids, although it was harder because I was so overwhelmed I decided to change and try to find solutions to my problems. I had no mommy friends, so I went online and got some! I was tired, so I took it one day at a time, and took breaks in between. I had no help, so I hired some. I was bored, so I got museum memberships and started going out.

I can’t say I don’t complain anymore, I believe we all have a Debbie Downer inside of us, but I just don’t feel like dragging everyone down with me, so I just complain to my husband!!! LOL, poor guy. But recently I have met a couple of people who are true Debbie Downers and I finally feel my husbands pain every time I complained to him!!

Don’t get me wrong, every single person has the right to complain and we all do, because we are human, but when you complain every single day for things that you can fix then that makes me mad. It makes me mad because I have come to the understanding that there is always going to be someone who is going through something worse than you.

I don’t want to diminish people’s problems, but sometimes I hear moms complain about things so trivial like how the kids didn’t complete their art project at the library, and I think to myself, damn my kid has cancer and I feel I shouldn’t complain, because his cancer is treatable, as opposed as kids who have cancer and have to go through chemo or radiation. Those are REAL problems. Those are parents who can really complain. Yet you never really hear them complain. I admire that.

Like I mentioned before I have had two rough weeks but everyone keeps telling me I look good. My answer has been, just because I feel like sh%$t doesn’t mean I have to look like sh%$t!!! So although I am still a rather a negative person, I am not a Debbie Downer, I think that problems have solutions, it’s up to us accept our solutions and move on.

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July 25, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Babies, cancer, experiences, friendships, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

May the Force be with me… Even past MAY!

It’s been a while since I have jotted down anything. May has been a beast. Emotionally, physically, in every single aspect of life. It has brought new challenges as well as new adventures, and it has taught me that life is just full of unexpected blessings.

It started with me leaving Facebook for what lasted maybe a week! I wanted to spend more quality time with myself instead of with the newsfeed. This brought some challenges as I missed some events that were in the calendar. I made my own calendar anyways and decided that we would do something fun every weekend in May.

There was three Baby Expos for me to attend. The Queens Mamas Expo, The NY Baby show , and the Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower (an event I look forward to the whole year). If you are wondering why I like to go to these events, there is a simple answer, I LOVE BABY STUFF!!! I am obsessed with strollers, and bottles, and carriers, and baby toys. There is always something new and exciting to look forward to. It makes me want to keep having babies so I can keep having all these things! Seriously I have a problem. I have individual details on these events that I will post later on.

Gavin had baseball and there was Mother’s Day weekend. This Mother’s Day was so special. I got to spend it with the two most important moms in my life, my own mother and my sister. We had such high quality, amazing family weekend, with activities that included the zoo, shopping, Smorgasburg, and lots of picture taking! It was very special as my sister and I once again find ourselves in the same predicament.

May also let me see some old friends, that I have missed dearly, and it was full of birthdays and party fun. From first birthdays to engagement parties, we had a little bit of everything going on. I also got to spend an amazing weekend with my siblings. We see each other maybe once a month but my parents are always there. This time around, due to a family death, my parents were away and the 5 of us were “alone”. Of course, my sister had her 3 kids, I had my 2 and the dog and my brother had his dog. We ate, we talked, we shopped, we just had a great time. To me this is important because I know so many people that don’t have siblings or if they do, they don’t have the same relationship that I have with mine, and I think it is such a blessing for us. During that time we had lunch at a little food truck in Woodbridge, VA. This food truck had the most amazing Puerto Rican food I have ever had outside of the Island. The 2 hours we spent there, felt like we traveled not only in time but also we were back in our Island, we were just hanging out somewhere close to the beach, with a nice breeze and the sun shinning down. (All this sounds so corny, but even though we fight, ALOT, we are incredibly close, MAYBE TOO CLOSE!!)

As I look forward to June, which except for the death of my great-great aunt, has been amazing, this is shaping up to be an incredible year. Glenn is still cancer free, and our boys are growing into incredible little people, we are excited for the adventures we have had and the new ones coming up. Puerto Rico here we comeeeee, SWAGGER WAGON we will come get you really soon, and meeting the new member of our family. Come December our adventures will multiply!

June is looking good, I am ready to celebrate my 31st birthday. Which will be, I have to add, my third birthday pregnant! And yes I know it’s crazy, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. Let the craziness begin.

Pregnancy announcement3

June 14, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Babies, experiences, new year, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Relationships??

Adversity changes everything. From the way you feel to the way you react, to the way you interact. Especially with your family and friends. I have an amazing family, we are a bit nuts, but we love each other very much so. Since the diagnosis of my little boy everyone has reacted in different ways and I, in turn have no idea how to react to their reactions! An example is how my brother, who is the godfather of my baby, had the crazy idea to get a tattoo of my baby’s name and the date of his surgery. I understand why he feels that way. On the other hand, my other brother, had no idea how to react so he just didn’t call me at all. He was keeping update via my parents, but didn’t know how to speak to me. It’s hard to understand how people feel the way the feel.

Then with friends is even more conflicting. Be it because they don’t know how to react or don’t know what to say, but I have had mix reactions from different people who I didn’t expect. I have to say I don’t want to name names, but there’s a friend who has been amazing!! Lets just say our kids have 50% the same racial combination! I really felt and feel so much love from this person, and her family. The attentions have been amazing. On the other hand there are friends who have, to this day, even asked how the baby is doing. Hey, some people still don’t know what he had was cancer!

Needless to say, between hospital stays and visits for follow up tests and checkups, plus lonely holidays I have had way to much time to think. The best things in life are really free. You will get what you put out there. I really want to put out there positiveness. Just hope that the next day, week, month, year will be better. Not monetarily, although that would be ok too, but more about the blessings and small joys of life, like healthy happy children, and a wonderful husband…

February 17, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Babies, cancer, experiences, friendships, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. 2 comments.

The Blanket

I am lucky to have a very talented mother. Not just talented because she’s my mom, but talented because she can anything. Her creative persona is always on high. She can knit, cortchet, she’s a graduated pastry chef, and every time I see what she can make I am amaze at the artistry in her craft. Everything is done to the best of her abilities and the highest perfection any artist could have. She has made me so many hats and scrafs and she has made my boys a couple of baby blankets.

When my sister got pregnant with her first baby almost 10 years ago, my mom made me ¬†a blanket for my future baby. It was white with green turtles and green trim. I saved that blanket until November. I was saving for my future daughter, but for my son’s ¬†surgery in November I took the blanket out and asked the nurse to keep it with him at all times (I have always loved turtles and in Chinese culture they are considered good luck and long life). This blanket was special. So on Monday I brought it with me to the hospital as baby was getting follow-up MRI (I’ve been trying to explain to friends and family that, even though he is “cancer free”, there is a 10% chance of recurrence, and we have to monitor the boy for 24 months- this period includes, MRI’s, urine test, oncologist visits, and so on). Every time he has an MRI I like him to have the blanket around because he does have to be under anesthesia. This always freaks me out.

After the hospital we had to go run some errands. It was a rainy, gloomy day. We headed to Babies R Us, the first stop in our run, I go what I needed, then we went to look for a couch, went to a couple of place and nothing, and after that decided to go to Ikea, when I’m getting together the stroller I can’t find the diaper bag. So I don’t really mind. I keep going like nothing since everything in the bag was replaceable, until I remember that the blanket was inside the diaper bag. I start crying like a little maniac, calling every place I went that day. Still today I called and nothing. No one knows, saw, or has the diaper bag. I didn’t even know how to tell my mom that I had lost the blanket. When I did she asked: “which one?” I replied with a description and she said “I have no idea what blanket that is. I don’t remember it at all”. It made me feel better for a minute, but I’m still hoping that I will call Babies R Us tomorrow or the hospital and they will have my diaper bag with the blanket in it. It might be superficial to some that this is why I’m weak. I’m an emotional mush when it comes to these things, even our couch, which we just got rid off and I cried. Because there are so many memories attached to that material object. To think my baby had the blanket during that time of pain, brings tears to my eyes, yet I realized that the most important thing is that those memories, and not the material things. It is up to me to remember and nurture those memories so that I can pass them on to my boys when they have their boys and so on. Memories are what keep us going. Making memories, living them, reliving them by passing them on and so on. So as I come to terms with the fact that I will never recuperate my turtle blanket, I enjoy the short memories I lived with it.

February 12, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Babies, cancer, experiences, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. 3 comments.

Of course here it goes 2012…

Of course here it goes 2012….

December 31, 2012. Babies, cancer, experiences, new year, Parenting, toddlers, travel, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.