Number One

To my first born child:

Trying to get pregnant was hard. At least I thought it was hard, in all honestly now I know that not getting pregnant for 4 months is perfectly normal. I was convinced something was wrong, so we stopped trying. I told your dad that since we couldn’t get pregnant, then I needed to adopt a pet, we got some goldfish… They were 14 cents at Walmart. Of the 10 we got, one survived for a whole year! He got so fat we changed his name to Fatty! In the mists of this we went to Atlas Park and stopped by a pet shelter. Bobby and the Strays. We didn’t mean to adopt a dog that day, long story short we left with two Bischon-Poodle mixed dogs, we named them Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. They were super cute and it was a relieved to have them home.

December 20,  your uncle was visiting and he ask me to get a pregnancy test because I was so emotional, and so I did. And guess what?? You were in mami’s belly!! It took me 2 days to go to the VA (Veteran’s Hospital in Brooklyn), Grandma one and uncle were there. They draw my blood and later that afternoon they confirmed that you were going to join us in 9 months!

I was working at John F. Kennedy International Airport at a store called IS International Shops. I worked at Terminal 3 which was Delta and Terminal 8 which was American. I decided to quit so that I can spend time with you, even when you were in my belly. It was amazing to make your Grandma Mimi cry of happiness on Christmas Eve when we told her that you were going to make her a grandma.

The pregnancy was the most amazing feeling ever. I spent a lot of time on the couch, resting, I read you books, listen to music, preparing your things. I couldn’t wait to meet you but I really LOVED feeling your little kicks inside my belly. It was beyond the most emotional experience ever.  Your due date was August 29, 2010.

Saturday August 7th was the baby shower. It was here at home in the patio, with the most important people to us. It lasted all day and I remember so many things happened that day like our room was locked and grandpa had to break the door handle! Anyways the last guest left at midnight. I took a shower and went to bed. BUT, just a little bit after 2am I started feeling some pain that was very suspicious. At this point I was 37wks and didn’t really know what a contraction felt like. I decided to head to the emergency room to get checked out. We were there until 4am but with only 3cm dilated and no contractions they sent us home.

Sunday, everyone went home (your grandpa, grandma, uncles were here for the baby shower). We went to a birthday party and I was feeling really good. The doctor called me to check up on us and asked us to go to the hospital at 7am on Monday to make sure everything was good.

We got to the hospital that Monday feeling great. When they examined me I was at 4-5cm. So the doctor said “this baby is going to be born today”. She started Pitosin right away to start the contractions. I called grandma and told her to come to the hospital (she got on the 8am bus from VA to NY).  I started feeling the pain but was too focus trying to finish my economics final online! The nurses kept telling me to get the Epidural, but I refused. Around 3pm, they were having problems feeling your heartbeats so you got an internal monitor attached to your head (that’s the scar you have!)

I was playing with the computer, checking Facebook and finishing my exam while contractions kept increasing. I couldn’t wait for grandma to get to the hospital. I was hungry and the pain was getting really intense. Nurses kept asking me to get the Epidural and I refused, so they kept increasing the Pitosin. Grandma finally got the hospital about 6pm and I felt in heaven. I could finally relax and have you, but you weren’t ready. It wasn’t until 10:39pm and 15 minutes of pushing that you came out. It was the most magical moment, your dad cut the umbilical cord while grandma took pictures of things she shouldn’t have!

Your weight was 5lbs 14oz. Your height was 20″ and you were just beautiful. After you were born they took you away for what seem forever. They didn’t bring you back to me until like 3am, which pissed me off so much, it did give me time to eat (first meal after pushing you out was Wendy’s). We were in the hospital for 3 days and to take you home grandma got you and outfit that was blue, so cute.

I will never forget every moment, but of course we never know how our memory will work, therefor, I wanted you to know how everything happen, just in case I can’t tell you myself. Anyways I love you and I hope that you can pass down your story to your kiddos when they come, if they do.

47262_431730528889_7441856_n 41132_431733863889_1508712_n 44462_431727773889_3196166_n 47003_431728008889_2792136_n

January 19, 2014. Tags: . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

2013 Year END Review!

Thank God another year has come and gone. 2013 was a complete emotional roller coaster. There were many celebrations as well as many disappointments. But there was always love and laughter through it all.

January was extra special! We celebrated Glenns’ first birthday, which after 2012 and his cancer diagnosis was beyond special to be able to sing Happy Birthday to him and see him celebrate with all his friends. It was an unforgettable moment for this mama.

February was a blur. Besides MRI’s and doctors appointments I can’t remember much of it. I guess a special thing that happened in February was that I was added to the Mom Cave. This Facebook, online group has been my entertainment ALL Year. And through it I was able to meet some Puerto Rican mamas here in NY!

March was super, extra special. When Gary and I were trying to have babies and couldn’t we decided to adopt a doggy. We ended up adopting two. Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. Two weeks later we found out that I was pregnant with Gavin. We gave away Jack to a nice family and kept Chuck. But when Gavin was born Chuck became very jealous and we decided that the babys safety was first so we gave him to another family. Well in March, our friend Ronald sends me an add of a dog who looks just like Chuck and has the same name and is up for adoption at a shelter in Brooklyn. When I saw the picture I started crying, we went to see the dog the next day and came home with him. Can you believe it was our dog!!!??? Yeah, what are the odds of that!? It was Easter Weekend, so it was definitely special that we were able to recuperate him. He is such a good dog, a needy dog, but a good dog.

April was a biggie! Gary and I celebrated 5 years of married life, and 12 years together. We also found out that our family would be growing come the New Year (EDD 1/1/14)! A third baby! (By the way, I’m still in a bit of shock!)

May was full of birthday parties and fun in the sun. Trying to hide a pregnancy third time around was very, very, very, very, hard! It was hard to wear clothes, as I started to show very quickly, and it was hard to avoid people. I wanted to wait the 12 weeks to let my little secret out.

June started out on a sour note with the death of my great aunt. But it was also great because I was finally able to announce our pregnancy, which I did on my birthday, which also was the day I conquered one of the biggest challenges of my life. Traveling pregnant with 2 toddlers!!! We spent the most amazing time in my home Island. It was the first trip I took the boys sightseeing and they enjoyed every minute of it.

July was full of summer fun, still in Puerto Rico, and a trip to MD and VA.

August was full of surprises and new adventures. My first born turned 3, which is crazy! I still can’t get over that. We took our first trip to the lake. We finally got to go to our friends country house, and I was surprised of how much fun we had in 3 short days. Came back from PA with bleeding, which took me to the hospital for a possible miscarriage. Thankfully everything was fine and baby was growing healthy. On August 19th, we found out we were expecting a GIRL!!! OMG, everyone was going to flip out. It was also a hard month, as my MIL was away in the Philippines and we had no babysitting! August also included a wedding for a special friend. And I still remember vividly how I cried during the vows, while the groom cried! We also had another trip to VA-MD and to finish the month right we traded in the 2009 Mercedes-Benz R350 (my dream car) for a 2013 Toyota Sienna (my new favorite car!!!).

September started with another wedding of another dear friend! My mother in law came back from her trip very sick, so sick she spent a night in the hospital (she is back to herself, thanks to God). Of course September always brings back so many sad memories from 9/11, but it turned around when my nephew was born!!! He is the chunkiest, cutest baby ever (aside from my own!)

October was took us back to VA-MD. These trips are like a drug to me! They give me a chance to be with my parents and my siblings, but also make me miss my home and NY. October also took my brother to the West Coast, thanks to the NAVY. And well HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I was finally able to get my boys costumes in time!

November included lots of birthdays! Including my sisters, my MIL and my amazing hubby. During this month was my second trip to the ER with an incredible pelvic pain. Again my baby was healthy and well. November also marked the first anniversary of Glenn being CANCER FREE! And a year since surgery. I also spent a great time thanks to my mama friends treating me and showering baby G3 with a shower (I’m still dreaming of the brunch buffet!). Thanksgiving was great as the whole family (my side and hubby’s side) got together for the first time in a LONG time!

December: OH December! You changed my life! My baby sister turned 16 on the 1st. 37 weeks and I have to go to the hospital again, due to pain on my pelvis (which turns out is SPD (Symphysis pubis dysfunction)). There were birthdays to celebrate and parties to attend. We spent a night at the Museum of Natural History for their members only family Christmas party (so much fun!!) and of course our traditional trip to Macy’s Santaland! Contractions every other day were TORTURE! Christmas was extra special, as all the cousins were together! And it also marked the last family portrait we took as a family of 4. And then of course the birth of my beautiful baby Grace on the 27th! New Years spent trying to get a picture of the kids and enjoy every minute of it.

So there it is. It was good, some of it was bad. But can’t picture it any other way.

Bring it 2014, we’re ready- well not really, but too late to turn back!

January 4, 2014. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Surviving 365 days.

It has been exactly 365 days since my little boy went into surgery to remove a tumor. This tumor ended up being Neuroblastoma Cancer. 

On November 18th, 2012, as we drove back from a super relaxing weekend in Shawnee, PA, I notice something was wrong with my then 10month old baby. When we got home, as I held him I felt the bloody explosion that would be his poop. I immediately took him to his pediatrician, which thankfully work on Sundays. They tested for blood and his stool and the test was positive. We are sent to the ER with a possible case of intussusception. 

As soon as we got to the ER, they began to perform all standard tests for a infant.

On November 19th, while we were admitted (because of his age, test, and a fever, we knew we would be in the hospital, minimum 3 days since that’s how long cultures usually take), a group of serious looking doctors come in to talk to us. They introduced themselves as the Oncology Team of the hospital. They explained that they needed to talk to us in private. We got into the room with the group of 4 doctors, a social worker and a nurse. The doctor in charge, begins by saying: “Your sons’ MRI shows a mass and we are not sure what it is, but we highly believe is a tumor called neuroblastoma”. He began to explain, but I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING… My mind drew a blank. All I remember from the rest of the conversation was my fighting the urge to cry. I didn’t want to cry in front of them. They said that the quicker we address the problem the better it would be. So they informed me that they had scheduled a surgery for Wednesday the 21st.

As I walked back to the room I kept holding my tears, and as soon as I saw my boy I collapsed and just let it all out. I CRIED. I held my child. I prayed. I can’t remember why my mom was with me, but I was happy she was. It gave me a sort of comfort.

On November 20th, the doctor in charge of the “case” advised us to switch over to the Oncology floor as we would be “better taken care of, and more informed”. And it was true. I had never had such a beautiful hospital stay as I did. They cared so much for my baby… it was also very humbling to speak to other parents who had even worse cases and how happy they and their children were. It made me stronger than I ever thought possible.

A year today, the 21, they whisked my baby away to the holding area of the operating room. There, I waited with my baby for the surgeon to brief me on what the procedure was. He came in with the anesthesiologist and another doctor. They explained to me that they needed to collapse his lung in order to be able to remove the tumor. They also explained how the tumor was so big that they couldn’t do a bioscopy surgery and they actually had to cut him open to remove it. They left and then came again and told me they revised the strategy and they would no longer have to collapse his lung. So after that the lovely nurse took my baby from my arms and of they went. I went to the waiting area where my mom, Gary, and Gavin were. I wanted Gavin with me to distract me. They had told me that the surgery would take about 5-8 hours depending on how the tumor was attached to the nerves. When the surgeon came out my heart sank to my stomach, but he smiled and said: “everything went perfect, we got more than 90% out which is great, he’s in the recovery room, you can come see him”.

I hadn’t cried the whole time he was in surgery. I knew he felt no pain. As soon as I saw him in the recovery room I collapsed. He had about 6 tubes coming out of his tiny body. He had 2 IVS (one on his foot and one on his neck), he had a central line (in case he would need blood), he had a breathing machine, and a chest tube, to remove excess water and blood from the surgery. He was pretty bloody and I could’t help it. I knew he was “ok” but I wasn’t. Then I saw his scar… His huge scar, the scar that would remind me everyday of his life this day. This kid is so amazing though. An hour later, while I was still crying next to him, he tried to get up, he had been trying to walk for weeks, and actually took his first steps about 2 weeks before all this happened. He looked at me and reached out. I couldn’t help it I needed to hold him and he needed me. I still couldn’t nurse him, but at least a hug was comfort enough. 

The next day, this kid woke up like nothing happened. He was his happy, strong self. He was getting up, eating, and at no point did they have to give him any type of pain medication. He did so good that he was sent home on Friday, 2 days post major surgery! 

We already knew that the tumor was malign, but as sure as the doctors were that it was neuroblastoma, we would have to wait until the following Monday. We went in for the appointment and it was confirmed. The surgery went great but because it was a neuroblastoma cancer, we would need to take some action. Thanks to God he didn’t require any chemotherapy or radiation. His treatment would consist of MRI every month for the first 3 months, then every 3 months and then every 6 and then every year. Every MRI For the first year requires him to be sedated, which means and IV line and anesthesia and recovery time. We also have to visit the oncologist every month, for urine test and blood work. Of course the surgery wasn’t the only procedure he needed. A week later we had to endure an MiGB scan, which detect neuroblastoma cells in other parts of the body. This scan requires required us to give the baby radioactive drops to mark his body inside. After this scan he also needed to get a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy to make sure that the cancer hadn’t reached. Needless to say all of November and December was spent at Cohen’s Childrens Hospital. 

I look back and can’t believe how much this little person has been through in such a short period of time. And he doesn’t even really know. He is the most normal, strong toddler I have ever met. He is ALWAYS smiling, which is incredible because it has fought me to smile, even through the difficult circumstances. A year later, almost $20,000 spent on hospital, anesthesia and co-pays, I realized everything was worth it. 

People ask me all the time, how come I don’t cry. I do cry. I cry a lot, but I really cry of happiness. It couldn’t been a different story, if they had never found the tumor when they did. I could not have my child with me today. I cry of happiness because I need to make sure that he stays happy and that I stay strong, not only for him but also for his siblings. I want to make sure he lives as normal as possible, and being normal includes not having your mom break down and cry every time she bathes you and soaps over the scar on his abdomen. Every MRI, is a stressful time, every time he bumps his head, every time he oversleeps, or every time he cries, it makes me wonder it makes me nervous and it makes me cry. But we, as a family, have to deal with this. We have to accept Gods will and plan and make the best of our situation. That means lots of love, spoiling (probably not that great), and just trying to be as happy as we humanly, possibly can. Because our reality is that our son has cancer and although he cancer free now, his future is uncertain, so we must enjoy the now. 

Today I am taking him to Chuck E Cheese. I want him to remember this day and play and eat to his hearts content. Bad moments in life are hard to forget, but having lots of good moments can cloud them. And I don’t want him to forget what he went, is going to go through, but I don’t want that to be his primary thought. I want him to know he can enjoy life, and be happy. This year sucked in a lot of ways, more than 5 MRIS, countless hours at the hospital, tons of shots and blood work, but it was all worth it because you ARE CANCER FREE.

 ImageImage

So Glenn Mason, I hope that you celebrate many, many, many more cancer free days and months and years. But most of all I hope that you continue to be as happy and as strong as you have been. 

Image

November 21, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 4 comments.

Updated

I get asked a lot how come I “appear” so happy. How come everything I post on Facebook is only the rosy, perfect, pink, sunshine stuff that is yukky? People also ask how I deal with everything that happens to me without breaking down? I don’t know, I truly don’t know. I have always been a negative person, yet my husband is a super happy-go-lucky, get a long with everyone, no conflict kind of guy. We are opposites. Somehow he has rubbed off on my through out the years. 

I should explain that my life has been great, but there have also been many hardships. Things that make you grow quickly. I didn’t think it could be better, I never imagined what “it could be”. I never thought that I would get to a point where I not only thought my life was perfect but I genuinely believed it. And I have reach that moment. 

As I sit here and feel my unborn child kick me, God is reassuring me that life is the closest to perfection that we can get from him. Giving life and appreciating it for what it is, is a reminder from Him that everything is what it should be. People doubt and question happiness, they want to know how to get it and happiness is not something you get. It comes from within, it comes from acceptance. Accepting who you are, where you are, and accepting God in your life. 

I’m not pretending to be happy, I truly feel happy and satisfied with my life, even the bad things. I have accepted that God has his plan and his is better than mine, so I just “go with his flow”. Sometimes, when I’m with my husband and the kids, I look at him and ask him, “do you think this is perfection?”. He looks back and replays “it’s pretty close” and then the kids just say something that confirms it. Life is perfect because there’s so much love in my life. And nothing else matter, not the house, not the body, not the material things. But true, real, unconditional love, which is what my family gives me. 

Disclaimer: I could have not realized any of this if it wasn’t for years of therapy! But mostly my last therapist, who accepted who I was and didn’t try to change me. 

September 17, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The “Debbie Downer”

The “Debbie Downer”.

July 25, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The “Debbie Downer”

I have had a rough couple of weeks. Between being physically exhausted (taking care of two toddlers and being pregnant is hard work), emotionally drained, the excessive heat, and just regular shitty things that happened, it’s been HARD. Yet no one would really know! I am a negative person, married to a very positive person, after 12+ years his positivity has rubbed off on me (but also therapy has really worked)…

See, from being a negative person I never thought I could fix problems. I would just complain about my problems and not do anything about them. After having kids, although it was harder because I was so overwhelmed I decided to change and try to find solutions to my problems. I had no mommy friends, so I went online and got some! I was tired, so I took it one day at a time, and took breaks in between. I had no help, so I hired some. I was bored, so I got museum memberships and started going out.

I can’t say I don’t complain anymore, I believe we all have a Debbie Downer inside of us, but I just don’t feel like dragging everyone down with me, so I just complain to my husband!!! LOL, poor guy. But recently I have met a couple of people who are true Debbie Downers and I finally feel my husbands pain every time I complained to him!!

Don’t get me wrong, every single person has the right to complain and we all do, because we are human, but when you complain every single day for things that you can fix then that makes me mad. It makes me mad because I have come to the understanding that there is always going to be someone who is going through something worse than you.

I don’t want to diminish people’s problems, but sometimes I hear moms complain about things so trivial like how the kids didn’t complete their art project at the library, and I think to myself, damn my kid has cancer and I feel I shouldn’t complain, because his cancer is treatable, as opposed as kids who have cancer and have to go through chemo or radiation. Those are REAL problems. Those are parents who can really complain. Yet you never really hear them complain. I admire that.

Like I mentioned before I have had two rough weeks but everyone keeps telling me I look good. My answer has been, just because I feel like sh%$t doesn’t mean I have to look like sh%$t!!! So although I am still a rather a negative person, I am not a Debbie Downer, I think that problems have solutions, it’s up to us accept our solutions and move on.

July 25, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Babies, cancer, experiences, friendships, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Traveling with 2 toddlers!

Travel date: MY BIRTHDAY!

Destination: THE HOMELAND!

 

Description: I never thought I would have my children in NY, as I was very against them being Nuyoricans. But as fate would have it, it seems all my kids will be born and probably raised in NYC. So I have taken the task of trying to take them to the homeland every year. I want them to grow up knowing where half of their roots are from and what it really means to be Puerto Rican. Know about the Island, but actually explore it, learn to love it and enjoy it as much as I did. This trip was quicker than I had hoped but it was packed of adventure, emotion, and tons of fun.

To get there was the hardest task I have completed since becoming a mother, besides birthing my kids and nursing them for a year and change. The task was traveling by myself with both of them, while pregnant. Never thought I would do it. I wasn’t worried about the flight itself, as much as going through security.

 

This is how everything went down: I get up early, drop my mom and sister off at the airport, get home, get the boys ready, pack the car, and go to the airport. I get there around 11:30 for my 2:30 flight. I checked the bags in. Because my husband is awesome and he’s an ATC, we skipped the security line. This meant little. I had the two kids, the double stroller, the stroller bag, the diaper bag, and my carry on. In the carry on, there was a laptop, the iPad, and the tablet. Needless to say it took FOREVER, to get through security. I took all the electronics out, put the bags on the line, take the boys out of the stroller. I carry one of them and hold the other ones hand. Once we get through, the first tantrum begins. Gavin DID NOT want to go back in the stroller. I managed to bribe him with candy (don’t judge me, these are desperate measures!), I got to the terminal and I felt exhausted! I had time to spare and thankfully the terminal had a playground, which helped burn some energy.  When it was time to get in the plane it got a bit complicated again as I had to take them out of the contained stroller and put the stroller in the bag and give it to the person. The flight itself was quite pleasant considering the circumstances. I even got a HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT FROM THE NYC ATCS AND THE CAPTAIN!

While there we had tons of fun, I took the boys to Old San Juan and El Morro, we went to the beach, and then we explored my birth city.  I also had the opportunity to rent a boat and take them to my favorite place in the whole Island, La Parguera.

Coming back. That was the WORST part of my trip. I arrived at the airport early enough hoping that I would have plenty of time to make it through security. I knew things were heading in the wrong direction when my bags were overweight (I’m a super good packer, never go over 49), so I had to start moving around things. Not realizing I would have to remove everything off the stroller I started putting things in the stroller basket. Now bags checked. And the worse begins. Take all the electronics out of the bag, my shoes, put my bags on the belt, and then take the boys out of the stroller. Gavin again refused to go through security so I had to carry him. Then he didn’t want to go back in the stroller so that I could pack everything back from the x-ray machine. Finally get him in the stroller. Get to the terminal, charge my phone a little bit, go get dinner (airport pizza and a quesito, which is the one thing I wanted to bring back and forgot!!!). Now probably what made things worse, my flight was delayed 20 minutes. I was able to calm the boys down for while by walking in circles in the terminal, but to be honest I was beyond exhausted. So here begins the tantrums.

 

Gavin: “I want to walk mami”

Me: “Gavin mami is really tired and we have to get ready to go on the airplane”

Gavin: “MAMI GET ME OUT THE STROLLER”

Me: “Gavin, please don’t yell, everyone is looking at you”

Gavin: “MAMI LETS GO ON THE AIRPLANE”

Me: Crap, now I have to go pee. “Gavin, mami has to go potty and then we go on the airplane”

Gavin: now crying “MAMI DON’T GO POTTY, WE GO ON THE AIRPLANE NOW”

Me: go to the bathroom, and it was closed for cleaning, so now I had to drag my myself with the kids to the other side of the airport for the other bathroom, with two screaming kids, and hauling my carry on.

 

Bathroom done and now is almost boarding time, but our plane wasn’t even there yet. I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish someone recorded me and I find myself on youtube one day, because what I went through was beyond CRAZY. Probably the biggest test of patience of my LIFE.  I take Glenn out of the stroller and against the wall put him in the Ergo on my back. Then take Gavin out and put his harness and tie him up to the carrier, so that I can have both hands to put the stroller away. I continue to remove everything of the stroller and open the stroller bag, (While I am doing this Gavin is screaming and crying to get on the airplane and Glenn is pulling my hair). I put the stroller away. Now I have to go to the bathroom again. But the problem is I have a massive bag with the stroller (this is no red gate check stroller bag), and my carry on and I’m carrying one kid. I come back to the gate. I can feel people staring at me, some of them in pure agony, and some in shock, some of them mockingly. I brush it off. At this point I just wanted to start crying, but I held it together like a champ. I gave them a snack to calm them down. It worked for all of 3 minutes. Glenn took all the goldfish and dropped them on the floor while pulling my hair to make me move, while Gavin started crushing the goldfish on the floor. Now I’m starting to get anxious. Gavin starts pulling me towards the plane. Now second tantrum begins.

 

Gavin: “MAMI LETS GO HOME RIGHT NOW”

ME: “Gavin this is going to be a really long flight if you don’t calm down, please relax this is a 5 hour flight and we need to behave because there are other people coming with us”

Gavin: “MAMI IS NOT 5 HOURS IS 4 HOURS, I WANT TO GO NOW, CALL PAPI”

Me: how the heck did this kid know the flight was 4 hours and not 5, how the hell he knows to call papi to get us home? “Ok Gavin let me call papi”. I pick up the phone and the husband at work. It was busy so I had to wait like 5 minutes to get him.

“Gary, I never ask you for anything when it comes to work, but do WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET ME OF THIS ISLAND”

Gary: “Baby, I’ll try my best, it’s really busy, what do you really want me to do?”

Me: “Our plane is not here yet, can you clear some lanes so that it can get here quicker, I need to go NOW”

Gary: “I’ll do my best”

Gavin: “MAMI LETS GO, THE PEOPLE ARE GOING”

Me: “Gavin, if you’re not good Papi won’t tell the pilot to let us go”

Gavin: “Papi says we have to go home!”

 

Plane gets here and they start boarding, of course they start boarding people in the first rows. So third tantrum begins.

 

Gavin: “MAMI LETS GO NOW I WANT TO GO HOME”

Me: “we have to wait our turn baby, see there’s a line”

Gavin: “I DON’T WANT TO WAIT OUR TURN I WANT TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE”

Me: someone please shoot me. I see the same people still staring at me like they were watching a movie and wanted to see what was going to happen next. I think secretly they all thought I was going to loose it and hit one of the kids. Glenn is still pulling on my hair through all of this happening. And now we go on line to board the plane. We get to our seats, I secure Gavin and put my stuff away. We take off and both of them are out cold! Yet I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying everything in my head, and thinking to myself I can’t believe this just happened.

I finally doze off and woke up to the captain welcoming me to NYC (Not the regular welcome, but over PA announced “Welcome home Gaskin family”). When we get off the plane, I have to open the stroller and put the boys in it. The guy at the gate is trying to rush me and I give him the deadliest look. He noticed and replied: “Sorry, I didn’t know you had that much to do”. First thing I do when I see my dear husband is hug him and without wanting to I start crying.

 

The question of why I did all this and what it means, I answered to my therapist a week later. I did it because I needed to prove to myself that I could. And it means that I can do anything. Not claiming to be super woman, but can be sure I could be if I wanted. I always compare myself to other local moms who take their kids to the library, to the playground, have regular play dates, different classes. Yet none of them drive by themselves to another state, or would even think of flying to another country under the circumstances that I did. So yeah it made me feel powerful. It made me feel weak but yet invincible because I was able to overcome the situation and gracefully manage the stress I was under. Needles to say I will not be doing this for a loooong time!!!! 

ImageImageImageImageImage

July 18, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

May the Force be with me… Even past MAY!

It’s been a while since I have jotted down anything. May has been a beast. Emotionally, physically, in every single aspect of life. It has brought new challenges as well as new adventures, and it has taught me that life is just full of unexpected blessings.

It started with me leaving Facebook for what lasted maybe a week! I wanted to spend more quality time with myself instead of with the newsfeed. This brought some challenges as I missed some events that were in the calendar. I made my own calendar anyways and decided that we would do something fun every weekend in May.

There was three Baby Expos for me to attend. The Queens Mamas Expo, The NY Baby show , and the Big City Moms Biggest Baby Shower (an event I look forward to the whole year). If you are wondering why I like to go to these events, there is a simple answer, I LOVE BABY STUFF!!! I am obsessed with strollers, and bottles, and carriers, and baby toys. There is always something new and exciting to look forward to. It makes me want to keep having babies so I can keep having all these things! Seriously I have a problem. I have individual details on these events that I will post later on.

Gavin had baseball and there was Mother’s Day weekend. This Mother’s Day was so special. I got to spend it with the two most important moms in my life, my own mother and my sister. We had such high quality, amazing family weekend, with activities that included the zoo, shopping, Smorgasburg, and lots of picture taking! It was very special as my sister and I once again find ourselves in the same predicament.

May also let me see some old friends, that I have missed dearly, and it was full of birthdays and party fun. From first birthdays to engagement parties, we had a little bit of everything going on. I also got to spend an amazing weekend with my siblings. We see each other maybe once a month but my parents are always there. This time around, due to a family death, my parents were away and the 5 of us were “alone”. Of course, my sister had her 3 kids, I had my 2 and the dog and my brother had his dog. We ate, we talked, we shopped, we just had a great time. To me this is important because I know so many people that don’t have siblings or if they do, they don’t have the same relationship that I have with mine, and I think it is such a blessing for us. During that time we had lunch at a little food truck in Woodbridge, VA. This food truck had the most amazing Puerto Rican food I have ever had outside of the Island. The 2 hours we spent there, felt like we traveled not only in time but also we were back in our Island, we were just hanging out somewhere close to the beach, with a nice breeze and the sun shinning down. (All this sounds so corny, but even though we fight, ALOT, we are incredibly close, MAYBE TOO CLOSE!!)

As I look forward to June, which except for the death of my great-great aunt, has been amazing, this is shaping up to be an incredible year. Glenn is still cancer free, and our boys are growing into incredible little people, we are excited for the adventures we have had and the new ones coming up. Puerto Rico here we comeeeee, SWAGGER WAGON we will come get you really soon, and meeting the new member of our family. Come December our adventures will multiply!

June is looking good, I am ready to celebrate my 31st birthday. Which will be, I have to add, my third birthday pregnant! And yes I know it’s crazy, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. Let the craziness begin.

Pregnancy announcement3

June 14, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Babies, experiences, new year, Parenting, toddlers, Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Just a quick vent…

Thinking about the fact that I haven’t written in a while, and I have about 5 drafts started about different things from my babies to the train rides to my husband, yet I just forget to edit and post. As I was getting ready for my weekly trip from Queens to Jersey City, I started thinking that I had to leave my boys for a long period of time. Yes, I have done this every week for the last 2.5 years, never after a terrorist attack on our soil, 4 hours from NYC.

Being in NYC during 9/11 definitely changed my life. I joined the military afterwards and it was incredibly stressful to accept my sister had recently converted to Islam, yet we moved one, kept going about our business and kept living. Every year suffering the attack all over again on it’s anniversary. I didn’t think it was possible, back then to keep going and have a normal life, after witnessing such devastation and yet we did it. All of us, America. We moved on. We re-built our city to the best of our abilities.

Now fast-forward 13 years later, I have two kids, who depend on me. Seeing the attack at the Boston Marathon made me think about so many things. I was lucky during 9/11, but how many more attacks before I’m not so “lucky”? I guess this is a question for me because in my eyes everything happens in NYC!! Why? All the movies, all the disasters, all the shootings! I keep going like nothing, thinking it’s great to live here cause I feel so safe, having the biggest police department in the country helps. Today as I was waiting for the bus I was consumed by fear. Fear that on my subway ride all through Manhattan something would happen and I would not be able to come back home to my babies. I’m not trying to be negative. It’s more a sad reality that our World is breaking down. This is the reality of our lives now, we don’t know where and when something bad is going to happen, the only thing we can do is continue living like everyday is the last. Enjoying my kids everyday and savoring every minute I have with them gives me a little bit of strength to get on the subways and make it to class.  Anyways, I just wanted to let out how I was feeling as it always help to put it out there! 

April 20, 2013. Tags: . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

So much to say, so little time…

So much to say, so little time….

March 6, 2013. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Next Page »